


When This Cloud Hangs Over Me

by mithrel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 5 Acts Meme, Blanket Permission, First Kiss, First Time, Hand Jobs, M/M, Memory Alteration, Podfic Welcome, Rape/Non-con References, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-26
Updated: 2010-04-26
Packaged: 2017-11-13 14:03:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/504285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrel/pseuds/mithrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean hasn’t had sex since he got back from Hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When This Cloud Hangs Over Me

Dean hasn’t had sex since he got back from Hell, whatever Sam might think. And, OK, maybe he encouraged Sam to think that the first thing he did after getting out of Hell was grab enough women for an orgy, but he does have a reputation.

Sam thinks he was in Hell for four months; awful but not as bad as it could be. He doesn’t know Dean was there for _forty years,_ that he’d been on both ends of the torture, and that Alistair was…inventive. The thought of sex now turns his stomach.

He could deal with that, if it weren’t for Cas.

Cas, who’s a total dick, but who Dean thinks might have more of a problem with the way his bosses are running things than he lets on.

Cas, who pulled him out of Hell.

As if the thought had summoned him, he’s suddenly _there._

“ _Jesus!_ ” Dean yelps and Cas frowns at him. “Warn a guy, willya, you almost gave me a heart attack!”

“My apologies.”

Now that he’s in the room Dean tries to think of something else, but his thoughts keep straying back to Hell.

“You are distressed,” Cas says suddenly.

“What? No I’m not!”

“Dean…”

He explodes suddenly. “What the fuck do you think? I was in Hell for forty years, I don’t think ‘distressed’ covers it!”

Cas comes closer to him and Dean flinches away. He’s forced himself not to with Sam, but Cas knows the score.

“I could help you.”

Dean’s eyes narrow. “Help me how?”

“I could help you forget.”

 _Forget…_ Dean’s tempted, he’s so tempted, but… “No way!”

Cas sighs, then says, “Or I could simply blur specific parts of your experience.”

Dean’s eyes narrow. “What parts?”

“The parts involving rape.”

Dean winces, his gorge rising. “Jesus, Cas…”

“Do you want me to?”

He’s silent a long moment, then shudders out, “Yes.”

Cas comes up to him and puts a hand on his forehead. Dean forces himself not to flinch away, but Cas’ eyes are locked on his and he’s completely focused. Being the target of all that intensity makes Dean want to close his eyes.

But he doesn’t. And, gradually, the memories of Alistair, the memories of the souls he’d violated fuzz over. They’re still there, but he can’t access them.

He lets out a great shuddering sigh of relief. Cas moves away from him.

But with the release from the memories the desire he’s been repressing surges up, and he pulls Cas back to him.

The angel lets out a breath of surprise, but doesn’t resist as Dean kisses him.

Dean’s arms come up to Cas’ shoulders, and he pushes his tongue into the angel’s mouth.

Cas moans and Dean is abruptly completely interested.

He pushes off Cas’ trenchcoat, and Cas pulls away to get Dean’s shirt over his head.

Dean pushes him toward the bed and Cas falls on it, but once he’s there the memories surge up with a vengeance. Kissing hadn’t been any part of what had been done to him, of what he’d done, but this…

Cas feels him tense and his hand comes up to Dean’s temple again, stroking through his hair. “Dean. Look at me.”

He does, Cas’ eyes boring into him, and feels the memories recede into obscurity again. Freed from his paralysis Dean pulls Cas’ tie off, then his jacket.

He looks at the buttoned shirt in disgust, but Cas quickly unbuttons it and casts it away, then pulls him down again.

Dean can feel Cas hard against him, and he knows no matter what angelic whammy Cas has put on him penetration is out. For either of them.

So he fumbles Cas’ belt off too, opens his pants and takes him out.

Cas hisses, but lets Dean pull his pants off.

He doesn’t do anything fancy, but from the way Cas’ hips keep stuttering up and the breathy noises he’s making he doesn’t mind.

Cas suddenly arches up like someone put a hook into his navel and pulled, grabs Dean’s arm and comes.

When he’s finished Dean pulls back, what he’s been doing finally registering. Cas is an _angel,_ for fuck’s sake!

But Cas grabs his wrist and pulls him back, opening Dean’s jeans and stroking him.

At the sensation Dean feels nausea building, the associations still there despite the lack of memory of what caused them, but Cas keeps his eyes on Dean’s the whole time. He feels his shoulder burn where Cas left his handprint when he pulled him out of Hell and closes his eyes.

He’s not nauseated anymore, even without the eye contact, and he feels _connected_ to Cas somehow, in a way that would freak him out if he was in any state to think about it.

But he isn’t, and as Cas twists his wrist Dean’s hips arch up and he comes.

When his breathing’s calmed down, he hears Cas say quietly, “The memories should not trouble you anymore,” and get up.

Before Dean can call him back, he’s gone.


End file.
